Erma said it best

A series of quotes from Erma Bombeck that feel relevant to my life:

"Housework can kill you if done right."

"Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy."

"When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911."

"If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it."

"No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick."

"All of us have moments in out lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them. "

"Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, it’s unplanned, it's full of suprises."

"In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet."

"Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead. "

"Enter my first neighbor - a woman who spoke in complete, coherent sentences, who ate with a knife and fork and who only cried at weddings. I couldn't help myself. In a dramatic gesture, I bolted the door and threw my body across it to prevent her exit. She understood."

Hair, Hooked and Harry

"Everything is funny, if you can laugh at it."   ~Lewis Carroll

I could have blogged about my son's birth - Alex, not Mark, because his birthday was over the weekend and I was thinking about the goodness of God to me.  And I could have blogged about all the apples that my Mom and I sauced and buttered and dried and froze today.  But I'm not because, yet again, I've been distracted by the internet.

So, because I like the sentiment at the end of the video and because I want my own bike if I'm ever to ride off into the sunset:

And because literal videos and the Hoff make me laugh.  (Please throw a fish at me!)

And because sometimes you just feel like dancing.  (Go ahead, try and watch this one and not do a little boogie in your chair.  I dare you.)

Have a great one!

My big boy turns 3!

"Is it my birthday again? Already? Where does the time go?" "Behind us --or in front. It depends on which way you are looking."   ~David Eddings (Belgarath the Sorcerer)

Alex's 3rd birthday was this past weekend.  Here is a collage of pictures of him - going clockwise from the top left: Day 1, 1 Year, 2 Years, 3 Years.

Here's a picture from right after he blew out his candles.  He's saying "More fire!"

And finally, here's a couple pictures of what happened when Daddy left him unsupervised for approx 5 minutes and he found the cake mix I had intended to use for his birthday cake (no judgements, I was pressed for time):



Motivation

"Elmo's Potty Time is brought to you by the letter P and the number 2!"

What's motivating Alex to become potty-trained:
1. Popsicles
2. His mother
3. Popsicles
4. Jelly Bellies
5. Popsicles
6. M&M's
7. Popsicles
8. His mother
9. Popsicles

(The moral of this story is that my child will pee for an ice cream.)



What's keeping me going during this somewhat messy adventure: 
1. The musical stylings of Kelly Hernandez
2. Popsicles
3. The firm belief that my son will figure this out at least by the time he turns 18.
4. Jelly Bellies
5. With the money I save on diapers, I can buy a new purse (which I don't need but definitely deserve).
6. Ice Cream


And finally, something new that I've said and am a little horrified by:

"Stop jumping like a frog so I can wipe your bottom."

What the cool kids are wearing

"I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking.  And I plan on finding out what that is.  ~Derek Zoolander (Zoolander)

My son Mark has a ton of clothing.  99.999% of it is hand-me-downs from his big brother and cousin.  Quite a bit of it Alex never wore because of the size, time of year, etc.  As a result, I'm encountering some of these outfits for the 1st time.

May I present a little fashion collage featuring Mark wearing clothing with animals I never expected would appear on children's clothing:

No, I cannot identify the generic rodent on his shirt in the top left-hand corner.  Chipmunk?  Woodchuck?  Poorly drawn beaver?  You decide.  I imagine he held his big horn sheep sweater up like that (top right) so you could get a glimpse of his chiseled abs.


And finally, two honorable mentions.  The first, a picture of Mark wearing his orange, fox leisure suit.  This one receives honorable mention because he looks so darn cute and because I can never figure out why it says "sniff, sniff":

And, second, a picture of Mark looking very startled and wearing an outfit featuring the most ridiculous animal to ever appear on an article of children's clothing:

My alter-ego

"That’s a pretty lame superhero name,” I told him.  "Scooby-Doo is already taken,” he said with dignity. “Anything else sounds lame in comparison."   ~Patricia Briggs (Bone Crossed)

An actual conversation my neighbor and I had (as closely as I can remember):

Me: Nancy, do you see the sign for that new pizza place over there?  How would you pronounce that?

Nancy: Blazz Inn.  That's not right.

Me: Thank you.  Jeff suggested we try their pizza.  I told him I can’t eat there simply because of how they spell their business name.

Nancy: I have to agree with you.

Me: He also tried to tell me that it’s okay for them to spell “blazing” that way because “pizza” has 2 Z’s and they’re being cute. 

Nancy: He’s wrong.

Me: I think I’m going to become a superhero called “The Grammatically Correct Tagger”.  I will fix those kinds of signs with a can of red spray paint.  What do you think?

Nancy: That’s a good idea.  You’ll have to fix that one too.

And so my alter-ego was born…

I'm proud to present:

I'm still working on the GCT's equivalent of the bat-signal so, for now, you'll just have to email when you're in need of my corrective spray paint.  And I'm a new kind of superhero so there will be no wearing of spandex.

What's in a name?

"Could you just call me Pigeon?” he asked the teacher when she read his name.
“Does your mother call you Pigeon?”
“No.”
“Then to me you are Paul.”
...
“Nathan Sutter,” the teacher read.
“My mother never calls me Nathan.”
“Is it Nate?”
“She calls me Honeylips."
~Brandon Mull (The Candy Shop War)

When I was pregnant with Mark, we consulted Alex about what he thought the baby's name should be.  His suggestion was "Santa" which Jeff and I (taking a clue from Victoria Beckham) rejected.  Here are 10 more names that we did NOT consider but which have all been encountered as the name of a real person by someone I actually know. 

10 names I did not consider for my baby
or
Real Names which assure that a baby will never be elected President

10. Charlotte Webb
9. Shallac
8. Tearful
7. Shredder
6. Star Dog
5. Weaselhead
4. Lemonjello (pronounced La Mon Ja Low) and Orangejello (pronounced Or On Ja Low)
3. Felony
2. L-A (pronounced La Dash Ah)
1. The Squirrel

"See Me" book

"A children's story that can only be enjoyed by children is not a good children's story in the slightest." ~C.S. Lewis

Alex really likes this book.

Today he read it to me.  Here is a picture of him reading the page with the kitten on it. 

Here's a picture of him reading the page with the cow on it. 

Here's a picture of him reading the page with the rooster on it:

I think this is an incredibly dumb book (and I'm pretty sure you can see why I feel this way) but I sure love this funny kid.







Quiche

"This is my invariable advice to people: Learn how to cook- try new recipes, learn from your mistakes, be fearless, and above all have fun!"   ~Julia Child (My Life in France)


I know, I know, 2 food posts in a row.  But I made quiche this morning and since it's one of my favorite things, I had to blog about it.  I started making quiche when I was pregnant with Mark.  I'm not good about making breakfast but since quiche is great as left-overs, it works perfect for something you can make the day before and reheat when you're ready.  I had gestational diabetes while I was pregnant (I'm pretty sure that's the only time you can have gestational diabetes) and found that quiche didn't affect my blood sugar a great deal.  So that's good news too.  You can make quiche with whatever you have on hand.  There aren't very many rules.  It freezes well, reheats beautifully and tastes great. 

The recipe below is how I made the quiche this morning but, as you will see, you can use whatever you have on hand to make your own version.

Quiche

The Essentials
1 9" pie shell
3 whole eggs
1 1/2 cups heavy whipping cream or milk or a combo thereof

The Options
9-10 strips of bacon
4 Crimini mushrooms, sliced
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
1/2 cup shredded parmesan cheese
2 handfuls of fresh spinach

Bake your pie crust as you would for a 1 crust pie.  While I know how to make pie crust, I used a frozen one this morning.  (I'm aware that there are those who say that only a lazy slut uses frozen pie crust and I'm okay with that.)  I baked my frozen pie crust on a cookie sheet for 9 minutes at 400 degrees because that's what it said to do on the package.

While the pie crust was baking, I cut the bacon into lardons (that's a fancy French word that means "small pieces") and crisped it.  I then removed the bacon from the pan using a slotted spoon and let it sit on a plate lined with paper towels.  I sauted my sliced mushrooms in the bacon fat.  (Don't you just love bacon?  Really, who doesn't?  I'm pretty sure even vegetarians like bacon - and if they say they don't, they're probably lying.)

In a big bowl, I mixed together the eggs and whipping cream.  I gave them a whisk or two to show them who was boss.  A note on the dairy piece of this: most quiche recipes call for whipping cream but you can use milk instead.  Or you can use part milk and part whipping cream - just so the total amount is 1 1/2 cups.  The quiche will set up fastest with all whipping cream.  A little extra baking time will be required if you use all milk or add milk to your whipping cream.

I added the crisped bacon, sauteed mushrooms, cheeses and spinach to the eggs and whipping cream.    I stirred until all the ingredients were all combined and poured them into my cooked pie shell.  It was VERY full - which is why it's important to put the pie shell on a cookie sheet when you're baking this.

I baked the whole thing at 350 degrees for 45 minutes - or until it was set in the middle.  You don't want any jiggle.  Like I said before, if  you're using milk instead of whipping cream, it may need extra baking time.  I took it out of the oven and let it sit for at least 25 minutes before cutting it.  Here's a picture of it sitting on the world's oldest cookie sheet:

I ate a piece, covered the rest with foil and put it in the fridge.  Leftovers are super easy - cut yourself a piece and nuke it for 44 seconds or until warm through.

Options: Quiche is extremely versatile.  If you don't have bacon, you can use whatever you have on hand - leftover ham, chicken, steak etc.  Or leave the meat out competely.  Change up the cheeses.  My Mom likes pepper jack in quiche.  I've found that where quiche is concerned it matters very little if you use parmesan from a green can as opposed to the real stuff.  Leftover veggies like asparagus and broccoli work well.  If you're going to use frozen spinach, make sure you thaw it and squeeze ALL the water out before adding it. 

Freezing: Sometimes I make up 2 quiches at once and freeze one.  I wrap the whole thing in foil, stick it in a gallon freezer bag and pop it in the freezer.  When you take the frozen quiche out of the freezer, you want to let it thaw in the fridge and then reheat initially in the oven.  Approx 30 minutes at 350 degrees or until it's warm through.  Reheating in the oven will recrisp the pie crust.  If you just thaw and reheat it in the microwave, you'll have a soggy crust.  (After you reheat in the oven once, the leftovers can be microwaved.)

There are 1000's of different ways you can make quiche.  Go crazy.  Experiment.  Report back with your results.